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Cautiously Optimistic

“For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”- Jeremiah 28:11


We were released from the hospital today; a cause for joy and celebration. My daughter had a bad bout of pneumonia that really took a toll on her and her body’s ability to withstand such an illness. Not only was her life challenged, but my faith stood a great challenge as well.


As I recall last week’s events, I remember moments of doubt; moments of sorrow; and moments of peace. A lot of time was spent reading my bible and trying to gain more of an understanding of the kingdom that awaits Tessa’s arrival; our arrival.


Sorrow filled my heart as I watched my daughter lay like a limp doll on the hospital bed; uncertainty looming in the shadows. Would this be my last moment with her? Is this really it? Was it her destiny to ride the Ferris wheel at the carnival? Who was it that she was in contact with that fulfilled her purpose here? So many questions…


Like I mentioned earlier- it is a day meant for joy and celebration. But I can’t help but be cautiously optimistic. Yes, the pneumonia is on its way out. But her prognosis stays the same. Yes, we make plans for adaptive strollers, adaptive toddler beds, physical and occupational therapy. Yes, our goal is quality of life. Yes, we get our hopes up, yet guarded. Guarded because in my heart I know God loves her more than I do…and she just might get to hug Him first…


And here we are. Home. Spared.


The Lord states in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you…plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”. His plans are in motion. His plans, as stated in Romans 8:28, work together for good.


This is going to sound weird, possibly, for many of you reading this, but this is how I gain peace in God’s plan…As I mediate on Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28, Tessa’s pneumonia and hospital stay had many positive repercussions.


We were just taken off Hospice in July- thus meaning our abilities to pay for Tessa’s medical needs (oxygen and feeding supplies) was likely going to strain our family into medical bankruptcy. Tessa’s hospitalization made it apparent to Hospice workers that she cannot live without ongoing medical awareness and care. This allowed for her to be transferred into Home Health. This will support the need for comfort care, adaptive supplies, and improved quality of life to be provided for sweet Tessa. In the midst of financial difficulty, Tessa created a place for the Lord to work in the heart of an anonymous donor to relieve our family of her most recent hospital stay.


Tessa was cared for by many medical professionals; nurses, doctors, nurses aides, cooks, and cleaning aids. Undoubtedly, Tessa improved their abilities as professionals as they learned to care for a special needs toddler, the first opportunity for most. Her main nurses said they were honored to provide her care. (I must say, God hand-picked everyone she encountered during her stay…) The professional staff at St. Johns was moved, to say the least. She was treated with dignity and respect; with hospitality the finest of any hospital I have stayed.Hundreds of people prayed for sweet Tessa; whether they just started to pray or have been praying for her for two years. This little girl had angel warriors on her side and moved people closer to the kingdom.This hiccup allowed Zane and I to reconnect on a different level. We were forced to discuss the appropriate measures we were to take for Tessa’s care. The PCU staff and other hospital care staff banded together and created a delicious dinner to celebrate our 9th anniversary. They even got us a sitter! Honestly, we would have never set aside that time alone to appreciate one another and celebrate our anniversary if we would have been at home.


I am assured that many other events, more than I can imagine, took place because of Tessa’s hospitalization. This is not an exhaustive list because I am not aware of the vast impact Tessa leaves along her journey. You see, this is proof that God uses ill circumstance to bring life to those who may need to be touched by an angel.


God’s hand, God’s plan is obvious in this event. If I hadn’t asked for a clear vision, I may never have been able to see through the cloud of dust I felt like I was in. We are blessed beyond our imaginations, and continue to extend that blessing to others.


Yes, I am cautiously optimistic about my plan, because my plan is not bulletproof, it is man-made. But I know God’s plan is unfailing. I know God’s plan always works together for our good. This is where I find my peace.


“We know that all things work together of the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose"-Romans 8:28


This song, Nearness, by Bethel, kept me at peace for 7 days; and continues to bring peace.

We listen to it over and over. May it bring you peace as well.

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